Saturday, January 31

here i am, second post for the day, 3am in the morning, and not studying. how sad is that. anyway, while i was busy at work just now (alright, maybe the idea isnt busy studying but more like busy copying notes) i suddenly thought, "hmmm..... i really need to go class and copy notes. cant always leech of chen sern". then it struck me, how i've been actually somewhat dependent on him in my length at sheffield. i never really knew him well back in subang and taylor's days... he was just another friend that me and lik mun dragged off to cybercafe in our engineering escapades. maybe its just cause aside from class times, we never really hung out. he never comes out to our yamcha sessions with alex and kevin, and only once in awhile does he join our gang for a movie or any lepak moments. he doesnt club, so he's out of my ring of clubbing mates as well. but since this four months in sheffield, he's been one of my very close friends, probably the closest. i'm suprised how well i can click with him, considering the few interest we have in common (sports for one, where basketball is my life, while footie is his ... and aside warcraft, i dont see much we have in common), but somehow, we can get along quite well. he's fun to be with.... really funny, cracking lame jokes on a daily basis, and he's really got good stories to tell (well, he is now the gossip king of malaysian sheffield), and he's really been helpful with my studies (the idea is that i leech alot of my notes off him). he did help me thru alot of problems, that sometimes, i feel really in debt to him. dont know how i can ever repay him for many of what he did. come to think of it, he's really the one guy i hang out with alot in sheffield. somewhat, unexpected, but pleasant. great friend he is. thanks alot tong.
expected, but didnt turn out, however, is the metamorposis of mr kevin tan. he was a good friend back in msia, going out for alot of yamchas and movies, rock climbing and clubbing, but now... he's just different. i can't really understand why till now, his drastic change occured. he seems to distance himself from the EEE gang wholly, i seem to get this vibe that he doesnt really like us much (maybe he blames us for his results back in msia, but not like thats much of a difference once he came here and detached from us). or maybe, like what satpal said, he just grew wings in sheffield. he's changed just too much to go back to the old times, i just hopes he notice whats happen to him before its too late. or maybe it is already too late. this fren, or ex-fren depending on how u look at it.. truly regretful. at the moment, i just wish for the best for him.. and hopes he manages the next year and a half. only thing i can do, is wish him best of luck.
next up, is chow hao and ban lee. i must admit, i have changed as well, compared to my SMSJ years. those years arent the best of my years, but if u consider that i've known ban and gan since then, i must say i do feel arkward with them around. not like i was ever close to them, or spoken more than hellos and goodbyes to them back in SMSJ, but it just feels odd when they are around. i think its because i really did changed alot compared to when i was in SMSJ... and well, i'm just afraid how they might view this change. if i were them, i would definitely frown upon myself right now (i'm not gonna try being too self reflective or arrogant here, but i have truly changed from a nerdy good boy to a different person now). thats why, when i'm with them, i feel... well... erm.... trying to become back my old self. clashes of personality, one might say.... hahaha, i sound like i'm having a split personality between angelic derek and devil derek right now. they are nice people, really quite innocent to the tee, and i hate the idea i might actually change them for the worse (although that is highly unlikely). maybe i'm just sensitive to how they view me.... not maybe, i definitely am.
and if u wanna look at old and close friends, where are they right now? david lim.....known him since std 3, and i just suddenly noticed how cocky he got after form 5 (not like i'm much different, but still.... ), i just cant seem to bear talking to him much anymore. terence tan and julian chan, my best mates in form 4 and 5..... and once SAM began, it was all but gone. terence still keeps in touch, and he does have a very nice personality where he makes an effort to keep in touch, and julian, still the joker.... but i dont know, just lost contact. buvein.... quite close in form 4 & 5, now in india, rarely online, and i only meet up with him while he's comes back sometimes. rabiras, knew him since std 6, got quite close in SAM, and still good friends with him now, but theres seems to be this barrier between me and him i never seem to have passed. Philip Chan, i used to actually not like him very much in secondary years, but he became one of my closest bud in college till now.... ironic, isnt it? and theres james mak. i used to be really good friend with kean neen, heck, he just stays 5 houses away. but then, he was kean neen. now, he's james, someone as foreign to me as any other of my ex-classmates. pooi lum? he changed for definitely. he's always wanted to be in the 'in' crowd, so i'm not suprised. i think the word i used to describe him was wannabe, but who isnt these days?
other than that, theres the friends i have now, that didnt change much (on a friendship basis, u wanna say personality change, just look at ed mund.... WOW!), such as ed mund, philip gan, alex lee (best bud), satpal ... and theres new friends from sheffield.. cha young, darren, andrew... and my fellow classmates which are a lil closer, lee meng, jason, tze jian and such. well, i guess such is the progress in life... there are some regrets in losing some friends, but like an old friend told be before, C'est La Vie... thats life. derek, loggin out....


derek
11:22 AM



12:15. 15 minutes after the stroke of midnight. and i find myself, sitting here, staring into the flickering light of my moniter, into the vast unknown called the internet, and blogging. sometimes, i do wonder why i blog on this silent page. with the exception of two people (thank you for your loyalty, whoever you are), this site is no more lifeless than sheffield in summer. why do i blog? right now, it's different from it's original purpose. when it all started, lets see... april 15th, i started this thingy. i've had countless sites before that, but this would be my first more serious blog. why? coz it was the in thing at that moment. everyone did it, or so it seemed, so why not i? looking back, it was kinda stupid and impulsive. but right now, it beats its purpose. i'm not blogging for others. i'm doing this for myself. and i dont care about visitors. heck, it'd be better sometimes if there werent any. my posts have a tendency to offend and prick others at times. many are negative in nature, and some are pure ego-boosters. hahaha, not like it'll make a difference. even those that havent seen this blog thing i'm an ego-maniac with a head so big and bloated, i couldnt fit through my room door. not like i care. i'm me. don't know me, don't judge me. don't like me, just bite me. i don't care. what i do care, is the fact that i should be studying now. what am i doing? argh!!! derek loggin out...


derek
8:27 AM

Friday, January 30

4 months in sheffield already. weather is miserable. life is miserable. now i miss malaysia. i think my resolve seems to be weakening day by day. now, my original plan of working back in UK during summer, and enjoying half my summer around europe seems to be at a distance from me, and more out of reach as each day passes. theres just so many realities i'm facing thats changing my way of thinking. most important, is that i miss my malaysian lifestyle. nightly mamaks, weekend clubbings, the food. all the wonders that UK can't seem to possibly satisfy. my circle of friends back in malaysia, for another fact... and my family. another thing would be life in sheffield in summer. sheffield itself is a student city. its like a ghost town in summer, dead to the core. and with all my friends going back in msia, what's left? satpal's probably gonna be around, so at least theres someone left in sheffield, ed mund might be staying for awhile...... philip's not going back malaysia, but he's gonna be taking some US job, and flying there during summer, and kevin. oh kevin. he claims he won't be heading back to malaysia for summer, but his words are not very reliable these days. and job prospects here during summer, just aren't very good. i'm truly in such a dilemma over this now. on one hand, europe is a very wonderful place, and i'd like to make use of my 2 years here enjoying it. on the other hand, theres home oh sweet home. i really don't know now. i'm really half-hearted on this. oh well, only time will tell. my main wish, at the moment, is having someone to be able to travel UK with me. someone who can share it with me. but i don't see that sort of girl to be appearing before me anytime soon. soo, we'll just see. 3 months left, i wonder how i'll feel then.


derek
3:59 AM

Tuesday, January 27

hmmm, notice my blog.. its recent entries and past entries. i did. and well, it seemed to take quite a turn. past few posts have been really dark, mainly about me bitchin about things that arent worth bitchin about. apologies to that. anyway, new year is here, i'm still stuck in sheffield, and enjoying a miserable time of exams. don't have much time to update this wonderful and viewless blog, but anyway, just wanna say GONG XI FA CAI! anyone generous enough to donate me some angpau money, can TT it straight to my NatWest account here. i accept all forms of currency, British Pounds, US Dollars, Ringgit Malaysia, Japanese Yen, Euro, Francs, Baht, you name it, i'll take it. hahaha, anyway, i'm gone... study beckons. and always look on the lighter side of life. i will.


derek
12:49 AM

Thursday, January 15

ok, let me clarify one thing first. i am NOT anti-american. true, my last 2 post was blasting at the US, but not the US in general. more specifically, its the bush administration. so if u r a bush supporter, please don't read this, send me hate-mail afterwards... just stop right now, and go sulk at the corner. i just cant seem to understand him. not one bit. first, there iraq, and the whole conspiracy about attacking iraq coming up even before 9/11 and heck, even during the clinton time. true.. saddam is the asshole everyone hates. well, not everyone, i guess, otherwise, where would saddam get his support from? anyway, what i don't agree on, is bush getting his hands into foreign affairs, i.e, Iraq, when he could actually spend his time focusing on america. its not like america is the perfect place to live in. there is still crime, there is still unemployment, the economy is getting worse... bla bla. so why not, focus on the US? hell, with the budget u allocated on the war in Iraq, and the matter of afghanistan, you could've made a big big difference in US. and now this. imagine if u just allocated HALF the budget to focus on recovering the economy, fighting diseases and other advancements, wouldnt it be better? heck, cancer and AIDS funding could use a boost, the US economy could be helped. and if u r so keen on sending cannon fodder into Iraq just to get blown to bits by bombers, why not just use them as human guinea pigs for medical experiments? (ok, i know this isnt the most ethical thing to do, i dont agree on it either, but hey, it beats dying for a lost cause in Iraq)
what..? Iraq isnt enough, that now u have to conquer space instead? its just a waste of money to show superiority. wanna show the states is big and bad? cure cancer. get rid of AIDS. do something useful to mankind. science doesnt need to know about space when u dont know ur own goddamned planet well enough. hell yea, if u think cancer and AIDS is too far fetched, why not go into Mad Cow disease and SARS? not like your citizens are unaffected by those. (maybe not SARS, but Mad Cow definitely) let the world remember President George W. Bush as the guy that helped cure cancer. this is a race where theres no number 2. unlike space exploration, yea, you could say... bush made US the first to Mars, but heck, theres probably gonna remember the 2nd one there, and the 3rd. but if u cure cancer, it cuts there. end of line, end of race. why would people bother saying, yeah.... france was 2nd in discovering the cure to cancer? no one will bother, right?
i don't know if many of you argee with me, but this is my own humble and honest opinion. bush is in desperate need of a head check. he needs his ego pop-ed. he needs to go out, take a look around the place, and think "everyone around me is dying from illness, or crime. hey, why not i just fix those? more lives will be saved then!" instead of thinking "hey! if i save Iraqi lives instead of Americans and the rest of the world, i might get revoted in the next election. and after that, i can sit comfortable in my chair in the White House, and decide that North Korean is annoying, bomb the hell out of them, before deciding that Cuba has been bad, and bomb the hell out of them."
alrighty then, thats my two cents on this, i need to study now. lets just hope someone in the administration doesnt start thinking "hey... this Derek guy, he's dangerous, instilling such feelings against Bush. maybe i'll get the president to sign some papers making derek a terrorist, and plotting against the president. i'll probably get a promotion for finding this blog, and derek can live off the next 100 years of his life in a maximum security prison. assuming he can manage to live another 100 years, given he'll probably be ass-raped in our miserable prisons, tortured by the wardens, and might die of cancer in 50 years instead." knock wood, i really do hope that doesnt happen. i'm just saying whats on my mind anyway. i think its freedom of speech, errmmm.. first amendment, if i am not wrong.

gawd, i should be studying instead of talking about things that doesnt affect me


derek
10:31 AM

Wednesday, January 14

remember that google "weapons of mass destruction" search thing that surfaced last year? you simply have to type "weapons of mass destruction" without the semicolons, and the first link google gives you, is this. well, looks like a normal page, no? but look at it closer.... read it. i broke into tears reading this last time, but now, google has produced another great wonder. there are many great and miserable failures in the world. and wanna know whos on top of the list? try it... type "miserable failure" in the google searchbox, and look at the first link. i couldnt stop laughing, i think my flatmate thought i was going crazy or something. haahaha, dont know who? try it, and you'll see. enjoy yourself =)

if u really wanna cheat, heres the step by step
1 - enter google website.
2 - type "miserable failure" in the search box.
3 - you'll be redirected here

hahahaa, apparently, the world agrees with my opinion. bush is a failure. cant handle his affairs, and shouldnt be handling others. bugger.


derek
7:35 AM

Tuesday, January 13

3 AM in the morning, and i find myself in front of my computer, bitching about life. yes, life has been a great misery to me. yes, i hate it. yes, i should be studying with 6 days to my first paper, and zero preparation at the moment. but you don't see me caring now, do you? i should be, but i can't. wonder why. there's this heavy burden that seems to be on my back lately, something i can't seem to get off, but something i don't know. WHAT THE FUCK IS MY PROBLEM??? geez, i wish someone could tell me, it would make life so easy. it's simplistic really, i could focus it on a few major fuck-ups in my life right now. first, would be the burden on housing. this is really annoying me, spending too much time thinking about it. so many sudden changes in plans, and no matter what, i seem to be thrown back to square ONE in the end. yippie, 4 person to a 6 person house, and a hell of a bill to handle. how much more fun can life get.
now that THATS off me for the next 5 minutes, comes the second problem. my lifestyle. its been all screwed up, tossed and tumbled all over. right now, i feel like i've been wrapped up in some chewing gum, and being chews on by a crossbreed of godzilla and king kong, with 10 times the bad breath of rotten fish and bananas. i need to get back to some proper scheduling in my life... (hah! like thats ever possible!) if you'd consider that fact that i'm blasting those people who come to sheffield, grow wings and fly, maybe i'm one of them. this would be the first time i'm away from responsibility (alright, i've still got losta stuff to do, groceries and shit, but no mummy nagging!), and free like a bird. perhaps i'm not ready for freedom. i'm just on a self-destructive pattern right now, fucking myself and everything else around me.
problem no.3, hormone growth. i think i've been single long enough. i need a girl. my hormones are virtually overflowing right now. i need someone i can cuddle up to, and just let time fly by. someone i could just spend hours staring at her, not saying a word, and feel fulfiled afterwards. i havent had this feeling for ages now, and i miss it dearly. too much, maybe. this hormonal unbalance has got me taking fancy and feeling infatuated by every girl around me (those with relatively good looks, down to those normal ones... not raksasas, i still have standards). but this one girl, my heart actually flutters when i talk to her on icq. i'm going crazy over this, it hurts my head thinking about this.
alrightes, problem 4. or was it 5? i lost count. anyway, FINANCIALS! i'm broke. resorting to eating indomee daily isnt very healthy, but what is? my lifestlye isnt healthy. i'm sacrificing good food, and sticking to indomee, in order to be able to go out for a few pints? kinda stupid, isnt it? yes, very much. but i cant help it. i told you my life is fucked. and i'm too broke to even get pints lately. and with the very wonderful exchange rate (fuck you, USA! u can spend loads on the war against iraq, but u cant handle your economy? care for yourself before u think about others! be selfish, god damnit!), i cant seem to spend anything. i keep convertijng, and its like, WOW! RM14 for a miserable burger and a side order of fries. and its not even mcdees. that would burn double or triple that.
next number, exams. ok, i'm not gonna even touch this much. my studies are slacking, everyone around me is studying hard, and this ISNT growing on me. i need to study, but i cant get the mood. argh, how am i gonna even pass the god damned thing.
screw studies, lets move on. last but not least, malaysia. i'm hell of a homesick right now. oddly enough, i dont miss my family much. i miss mamak. i miss clubbing. i miss my car. i miss my friends. but not my family. funny, huh? and worse is, i'm losing contatcs with my friends. i'm thinking, if i dont go back to malaysia in summer, and patch things up with my gang, will they even remember me in 2 years? doubt it. then i'll be going back to malaysia, back to subang, knowing NO ONE. that would kinda suck, wouldnt it? then i'll be stuck back in square one, like in what.. form 3? all by myself, sitting one side, reading my favourite book, wishing i was one of the in crowd. this is a sad misery when you look at it like this.

anyway, i'm done with my ranting. now my life forks into 2 directions. 1) pick up my notes, and study till my brain overheat, and melts and flows out throught my ears and nostrils. 2) fuck everything up, and go to bed, dreaming about things i can never achieve and get. alright, i think i'll leave it suspended here. i'm gonna toss a coin and let luck decide my fate. i'll tell u the results the next time i blog. if i remember. if.....


derek
11:09 AM

Thursday, January 1

yes, i went to london. and it was wonderful. i met this girl there, and it was perfect. i mean, she's perfect.... shes smart, shes gorgeous, shes got this excellent personality... every single thing about her, just perfect. ok, maybe the term met shouldnt be used. i've known of her existance for the better half of my life. i knew her. but seeing her now, still so.... herself... just sparked old flames afire. talk about childhood crushes, she was one of the first. i thought i was deeply in love with her then, standard 6 i think ....and now... well, i dont really see much future in that. shes in london. i'm in sheffield. maybe i'm thinking about her too much. its probably just another one sided affair, one of the many in my lives. i'm plagued by fantasy crushes and hopeless loves. but i cant get her out of my mind. i just cant. seeing her again just burned that image right there. forever. i truly wish i could see her again. i truly do.


derek
9:32 PM



HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

alright, its 6 hours into 2004, i'm freezing my ass of in my room, and life is good. its wonderfully snowing right now, my first experience with the white magic called snow, and its a wonder. been playing snow through the night, very fun stuff this one is. think i got minor frostbite on my feet, and i cant really feel my arms. my socks and gloves wouldve been better off in a swimming pool, coz it'll be similiarly wet. and i feel fine. great. excellent. even with this burning forehead, runny nose, and aching back. i'm feeling great, excellent! i love snow.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!


derek
2:28 PM

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about the cow
: derek wong : 20 : single : hopeless : student : sheffield : chinese : malaysian :

the cow contact
: mail me :
: icq : 7247166 :
: msn : thefalcon@gmail.com :
: friendster :

the cow persona
: room on permanent messy mode : laundry 3 weeks backtracked : hopelessly in love with s.h.e. : born and bred scouser : dota addict :

the cow questions
: faq here :

where to now?
post-sheffield, derek has decided to move on to a better place on the world wide web. He can be now found stingily chewing on greener grass here.

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cool blogs
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: i hate my flatemate :
: confessions of a ditzy bimbo :
: why are you worshipping the ground i blog on :
: postsecret :

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