Tuesday, August 22

i have migrated. my new home is here

moomoo has been, is, and will always be an outlet for all that is cooped up in me. known to some, who knows, i couldn't care less. the problem about myself, is i keep to many things within me. never confiding to anyone. never expressing anything. a partial defect of my pathetic self.
not that i've never done such before. perhaps the scars in my soul, from having confidence in other, to remotely trusting others, down the the part where my back feels the painful pierce and laughing glee of a backstabber, has shut me out. almost nightly, i actually wish i had someone who understood me for what i am, not think of me as what they want to, and forcing me to pretend as such.
i simple hope i can throw away this charade of falsehood and fake smiles, and let out once in awhile. as it is, my only life, is my online life. the one that truly defines myself as who i am. people are less judgemental online, people are more open online.
perhaps one day, i will find a one true home. but for now, this mask stays on, and i shall always remain the cold silent one.


derek
12:11 AM

Tuesday, August 1

A conversation with a close friend of mine once, led to a topic on very familiar grounds.. girls. His semi-attached- to-someone-else- but-likes-him- and-hes-crazy-over-her girlfriend was back from overseas study for a nice long holiday, and wanted to see him. Granted, he’s been played over by her before. And he thinks he’s probably gonna get run over again by that big love truck (For his case, it has to be a tank… nothing can squash like a tank can.. over and over and over again).
So he was contemplating if he should take the jump again, and lay down naked on the road to wait for the tank, or just move on. But how easy is it to move on? Its not something that can be said and done that very instant. The heart of us mortal men is more stubborn than the gods themselves. We cannot sway from our hearts desires, no matter how painful the process, no matter how miserable the road, no matter how dim the end is.
The reason for this is simple logic. The heart rules over the mind. The science behind it? The heart is the core of the body. If the mind desires something, the thinks and controls every action of the body. If the heart desires the opposite of the mind, it simply cuts the bloodflow to the mind, limiting it so that the mind loses the ability to think rationally, and the body acts on instint. Heart over mind. Simple science.
I can admit it myself; I have fallen for such timeless deathtraps. Repeatedly. But isn’t that all part of life itself? Its pathetic how some people say they want to go through life without a single heartbreak, or at least a limited amount. Just look at myself, I have a track record even Napoleon Dynamite would snicker at. Ever since I can remember, most of the girls I have gone after, proved unfutile. And I make lousy choices. I spent an entire year obsessing over an attached girl, just unable to pull a spanar. Just keep trying, and trying, hoping to steal a rare kiss, or to feel my heart leap when she leans her head on my shoulders, and how my face flushes on every tingle of our touch. Nothing beats the feeling, not the heartaches, not the sacrifices, not the tears. In fact, ask me to do it all over again, knowing that I’d fail, and I would. The fact is, I’d give anything for her. An arm. A leg. Perhaps even my life. For someone who isn’t really in my life.


derek
4:28 PM

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about the cow
: derek wong : 20 : single : hopeless : student : sheffield : chinese : malaysian :

the cow contact
: mail me :
: icq : 7247166 :
: msn : thefalcon@gmail.com :
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the cow persona
: room on permanent messy mode : laundry 3 weeks backtracked : hopelessly in love with s.h.e. : born and bred scouser : dota addict :

the cow questions
: faq here :

where to now?
post-sheffield, derek has decided to move on to a better place on the world wide web. He can be now found stingily chewing on greener grass here.

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cool blogs
: the storyteller :
: i hate my flatemate :
: confessions of a ditzy bimbo :
: why are you worshipping the ground i blog on :
: postsecret :

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